Lilly

There are certain situations where we feel expected to do something.

Like when the man holds the door open for you. Unless there is a reason for holding the door, you are crippled or are holding something, it's just a cultural matter- an expectation. If no one expected it wouldn't be lacking manners.

Yet if he were doing it out of pure thoughtfulness and kindness it shouldn't matter if he received a 'thank you' or not as it is not about him. Also, the lack of a thank you and thus the discarding of 'common courtesy' shouldn't affect him so much as to complain about it at work.

I think this perfectly exemplifies some of the elephants in the room when it comes to what is wrong with a lot of folk these days; they feel entitled, as if they deserve certain things, perhaps, because we have grown too selfish.

It should be noted I always say thank you; I also don't expect people to say thank you and don't care if they do not say thank you if I open a door for them.

As someone pointed out below me, they said:

  • When they don't say thanks they are simply ignoring you. As if the door was automatic.

I disagree. That is dangerous language. Ignoring is an action, it is refusal to pay attention to. I'm not trying to be a snide dick but believe it or not, you - the one holding the door - are not the center of anything other than yourself. I guarantee very few people actually choose to ignore you and rather are so wrapped in themselves they simply don't see you and take the unexpected ease of exiting/entering the building for granted. Hell, their parent could have died that morning, anything could have happened. I try not to judge.

This, however, is me talking about opening doors where I live, which is Manhattan, where if you hold the door open it is not just for one person, it is for fifteen at least. Nonetheless, even if it is one person I am holding the door for I never ever expect anyone to do something for me.

Lilly

Maybe I'm wrong but I feel like I'm the only person who didn't find MyFitnessPal very helpful. I usually eat home cooked meals with lots of different ingredients. While it's possible to enter every single ingredient and the amount used into MFP, it takes forever, and probably isn't very accurate especially since I never eat all of what I cook in one sitting (I'll make 2 or 3 portions at a time, so I then have to figure out what fraction of the total I ate and divide my amounts accordingly).

When I eat out, it's usually at local restaurants/shops that MyFitnessPal doesn't know. And even when it's a common food that I can find equivalent listings for, the same dish at different restaurants can have very different calorie contents. Is my local sandwich shop's chicken caesar wrap more equivalent to the wrap at Panera or the one at Quiznos? I have no way of knowing.

And, I did find a few listings in MFP that were completely inaccurate. For instance, the calorie count they gave for a Trader Joe's bagel was at least 100 calories higher than it should have been, according to the nutrition facts on the bagel package.

I did find MFP useful for cultivating general mindfulness about calories - it got me into the habit of checking the labels on things more often. But I didn't have any confidence in the actual totals it was giving me. I was just trying to maintain a healthy diet rather than cut significant calories, so I didn't have big margins to work with.

I ended up dropping it after a month or two.

Lilly

When you attend a baby shower you don't want to do it for the sheer enjoyment of going. You want to do it to be helpful. And for many honorees that means that you need to be prepared to open the gifts in front of the guests.

This is your way of showing that their present is appreciated and needed.

For many this means one thing.

Stress.

And the idea of opening a gift in front of everyone is a lot of effort.

Thankfully, a well mannered hostess can arrange activities that over lap with the gift opening ceremony. This includes planning fun group activities that distract sets of people at a time.

This leaves you time to go around to each person and open the gift with just them, that way you get a nice intimate moment rather than shouting your thanks across a crowded room.

You get to avoid being the center of attention (which I understand and also hate), and they still get the happiness of seeing you open their present. While you do that, like others suggested, maybe have the other guests play a game or socialize with each other?

During my girl's baby shower we had people put their names in a bowl and after every 3 presents we pulled out a name.

They got a small lotion or soap from Bath and Body Works.

It makes it fun and interesting for everyone. I did it so that my guests wouldn't get bored with me opening up stuff.

Planning activities that incorporate all of the different aspects of what you and your guests expect is important.

I think that's a more old fashioned etiquette though.

Don't short change yourself or your guests!

Lilly

When someone does something nice for you, you're supposed to say thank you or acknowledge it in some way.

Whether it be a gift, knowledge or simply holding a door open. That's how manners and courtesy work. When you do not thank someone, it is considered rude. Being annoyed by a rude person is a perfectly normal reaction, and one reason that manners and courtesy became ingrained into our society.

Yes, you should do nice things out of the kindness of your heart. But it's fine to be upset when someone completely ignores the gesture and just keeps on walking. It's one thing to expect tangible repayment, but expecting a "thank you" doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a normal member of society.

People that think it's okay to be rude will ultimately damage the level of courtesy in society by letting rude people carry on without being called on their bullshit.

Lilly

I would like to see preselected goals (like running a marathon) metered out every step to further help acheive those goals. Like a couch-to-5k thing, step by step. If fitstar can give us personal workouts, I feel like we shoud be able to pick an individual, personal, goal and it could feed it to us via the hardware. Maybe you wanna run a 5k i 20 minutes? Well todays time and pace goal might be running 2 miles at a comfortable pace, but tomorrows workout could be to build for speed, so it's sprint for 1 minute and jog for 2 for 3 miles.

You tell it what your goal is, and what you are comfortably doing currently; and it arranges a workout plan to help you reach your goal.

That's what I'd like to see.

Here Is Why Motivation Matters

Motivation really matters. And I am the type of person who thrives on it.

One day at the gym this summer I was doing my little routine next to this other gym bro.

He had these HUGE 50 lb weights and I was legit using 12s. I felt so self conscious. Then I realized we were doing the same circuit! At every change, his weights were easily 5x more than mine... but you know what? My little dinky weights were still a challenge for me, and it was actually really fun "keeping up" with him.

I gained a lot of confidence that day simply by seeing a serious lifter do exactly what I was doing. I would love to see more ladies in the weights area at my gym, and we're slowly gaining traction.

Its guys like you, and like that lifting bro who gave me quiet encouragement, that make it a much more welcoming place!

Lilly

A book is not a magic trick. It isn't ruined if I know what's about to happen, or how the author did it. Even great mystery novels can be reread a dozen times, because its merit isn't in that singular moment of revelation, but in the gentle weaving of character, place, and plot that creates a world for our minds. I may be soured for a bit... my dad unwittingly did the "Did you get to the part where Ned Stark..." thing when I was reading Game of Thrones. I was so annoyed. But... I still had a complete emotional reaction INCLUDING surprise and disbelief when I did get to that part.

Because a novel is more than the sum of its parts.

when my Dad spoiled that... when my friend thoughtlessly spoiled Harry Potter by asking "Did Dumbledore die yet?", I made a face, I got mad, then I shook it off and went back to reading.